I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I wear drunk well.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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