Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
