Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The best revenge is premature balding
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
