How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
