im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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