you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
