i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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