he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
