I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
