Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
