I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
