So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
