Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize