We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
