My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
