Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
