she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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