she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
