I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize