atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
