There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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