Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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