I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
