Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
