I must be too annoying 4 u.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i will never coherently bang her
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
