you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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