I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize