The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
