i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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