So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize