my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
