he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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