oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
