im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
