You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
