You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize