It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
