i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
