I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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