Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
