Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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