i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
