Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
