For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize