I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
