i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
