My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
