Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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