Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
