Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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