i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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