Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
