is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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