I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
