i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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