all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
