Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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