It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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