sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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