i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
sarcasm needs its own font
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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