maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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