KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
