I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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