I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
