so explain again why im purple
no
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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