Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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