No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
