you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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