TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
