If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
