... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
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