Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
