i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
