Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
