I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
FUCK WHALES
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
