Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
