fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
