Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize