is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
