Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
