oh fat girl friday strikes again...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
