I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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